at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
