I just cut my nipple shaving
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
