it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
