The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
