He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
