Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
