You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
