I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
