I am in a vortex of obligation.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
