Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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