whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
