Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
