Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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