Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
