I accidentally burped into my bong.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
