thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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