i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
