I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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