is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
