hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
