So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
