Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
