Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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