i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
