Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
