chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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