The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
