So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think i have herpe
just one?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
