I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
