R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
