it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
