he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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