He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
