If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
