How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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