Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
