it was like his penis was on wheels.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
