My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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