My cat gives me a boner
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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