I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
