i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
