If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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