I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
