We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
