Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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