i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
