why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
