yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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