You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
