I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
