Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
