In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In America we eat man semen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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